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Dusts off journal, its been a while.
It's been several months since I was here (except for Beta shopping--but that doesn't really count, imo). I wish I could say it was due to all sorts of exciting things happening, but that would be a lie. I've had some things and thinky thoughts that I've been trying to wrap my head around. So I've been very non communicative. I've also discovered that the more I'm away from social contact, the more difficult it is to get back into it. I've always found it much easier to start all over fresh and unknown than to try to go back after being gone for a long time. It's just as difficult here as it is in real life.
You know, another thing I've discovered is that being introverted and starting to suffer from severe social anxiety, whenever I do have contact with another person--it fucking wears me out!! I mean seriously, a 2 hour visit and dinner with friends and I'm all but incapacitated for the next 2 to 3 days. Even sending emails, or posting here will cause me to have to go and have a lie down.
I'd love to say that I'm going to do better about being involved with LJ, but honestly I doubt I'll be able to keep it up, even if I start. Feedback, or rather more conversation is what keeps me going, is what keeps my interest and desire to participate active. Lets face it, there doesn't seem to be a lot of conversations or feedback going on these days. But maybe its just since I'm not actively engaging in any, I'm not aware of it happening elsewhere.
I've been reading a lot of older fics, ones I've already got printed out. Ones' that I know are awesome, that way I know I'll not be disappointed. Now, some of them are not quite as excellent as I remembered, but they are still good, really good, and that my friends is a plus.
As for my own writing, that's being put on a hiatus for right now, and probably for a really long time. its been getting so stressful and I'm just not enjoying it anymore. I know I was never very good, but I used to enjoy the doing of it, but this past six months has been NO FUN AT ALL. And that's not a good thing.
I'm beginning to think that my time on LJ might be better served, for me, to just read and enjoy what other people are doing, and just forget about doing it myself. If I can let myself get back to doing that. It's been so long, I'm not sure if I can. I'm not sure if I can do any of this. We'll just have to see.
You know, another thing I've discovered is that being introverted and starting to suffer from severe social anxiety, whenever I do have contact with another person--it fucking wears me out!! I mean seriously, a 2 hour visit and dinner with friends and I'm all but incapacitated for the next 2 to 3 days. Even sending emails, or posting here will cause me to have to go and have a lie down.
I'd love to say that I'm going to do better about being involved with LJ, but honestly I doubt I'll be able to keep it up, even if I start. Feedback, or rather more conversation is what keeps me going, is what keeps my interest and desire to participate active. Lets face it, there doesn't seem to be a lot of conversations or feedback going on these days. But maybe its just since I'm not actively engaging in any, I'm not aware of it happening elsewhere.
I've been reading a lot of older fics, ones I've already got printed out. Ones' that I know are awesome, that way I know I'll not be disappointed. Now, some of them are not quite as excellent as I remembered, but they are still good, really good, and that my friends is a plus.
As for my own writing, that's being put on a hiatus for right now, and probably for a really long time. its been getting so stressful and I'm just not enjoying it anymore. I know I was never very good, but I used to enjoy the doing of it, but this past six months has been NO FUN AT ALL. And that's not a good thing.
I'm beginning to think that my time on LJ might be better served, for me, to just read and enjoy what other people are doing, and just forget about doing it myself. If I can let myself get back to doing that. It's been so long, I'm not sure if I can. I'm not sure if I can do any of this. We'll just have to see.