Decisions, decisions?

[emansil]

Decisions, Decisions?


I've been trying to get back into writing in the last couple of months. Some days it's really good, other days...not so much.

I've signed up for a couple of fests already that I'm very much looking forward too. Now I'm trying to decide which other ones I think I'd like to participate in.

The thing is, I'm:

One--extremely slow at writing.

Two--Subject to intense mood swings, in which I want, and often do, throw out everything I've completed and promise myself to never write or attempt to write again, EVER!

Three--very aware of the intense brilliance of so many of the writers in this fandom. I can't begin to compare.

Now, this all brings me to hd_erised. Year after year, I think about signing up. Each year I flail at the end and end up not signing up. Now, Erised is the cream of the cream of the crop in terms of quality of fic that is submitted. I'm sort of terrified that if I do sign up, and made the deadline, (seriously I've never seen anything get filled that fast before) what if I have one of the incidences from above and either quit or feel that the fic I submit is sub par. Then I'm going to be really, really depressed.

I'm not sure what I'll do. Hopefully I'll feel more confident and determined by the time sign-ups are here.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice for me?

Comments

[gracerene]

I totally feel you about having mood swings with my work, and it can be a total tailspin if I let myself start focusing on the brilliance of others and start comparing. I try to focus on writing things that I enjoy and that I'm passionate about, and when I'm feeling low, I remember the lovely encouragement and comments I've received. <3

As for Erised, we'd be more than happy to have you, but you really should think long and hard about the deadline and commitment. There are a limited number of spots, and if you're worried about being about to finish, or that the pressure of participating could end up being too much, then you shouldn't do it. There are a lot of ways to participate in Erised that don't include signing up. Commenting/Reccing/Betaing: all of these are a great way to really be a part of the fest that are definitely lower pressure. You could also sign up to be a Pinch Hitter, which we are *always* in need of. I know some people find they write better when they have a tighter deadline, and because you're pinch hitting, there tends to be less of the "this needs to be the best thing I've ever written" pressure. I'm definitely not saying you shouldn't sign up as a writer, though! Like I said, we'd be thrilled to have you if you've thought everything over and feel you can commit to creating something. But it's also not for everybody (I've actually never signed up for the fest myself).

Hope that helps somewhat... <3

[emansil]

That's amazing that you have doubts. I've only read a few of yours, (mostly because I knew they were going to be brilliant and I was trying to avoid the whole comparing myself scenario, which I'm really really bad about it. Self preservation is strongly needed at times) but your writing is amazing. It feels so mature and professional. If you've not got the original fic/writer aspiration wish, you should rethink that. So that you too have doubts gives me hope.

As for Erised, everything you've said is so true, and are the things that have stopped me in the past. I don't want to a) put myself in a tailspin of feeling I'm going to disappoint people, or b) disappoint myself. I've always wanted to do it. Mostly to prove to myself that I could do it. But then the failure is even more devastating and it takes on quality of being a personal and not just fandom failure.

I think I'm going to start working on the signups so I'll be ready if I do decide to challenge, lol, lol, myself.

I really appreciate your honest answer.